It is Friday, March 25, 2011 and I am tired of being fat.
Don't get me wrong: I don't buy into this crap about girls needing to me rail-thin to be pretty. I'm curvy and proud of it. But the freshman 40 lbs hit me pretty hard when I started college in August of 2008, standing 5'2 and weighing 140 lbs. I'm about 175 now, despite the hours I log in the gym and the many diets I have vowed to start. I work out regularly and try to eat healthy, and until recently I have been pretty indignant that the weight keeps on coming. I'm twenty! I should be cute no matter what! I should be able to look good in a bikini!
But here's the thing: I don't work out regularly. Not the way I should, anyway. And while my diet is okay Monday-Thursday, things dissolve pretty quickly once I reach Thanksgiving. Or Christmas. Or New Years. Or finals, or mid-sems, or Valentine's Day, or Halloween, or any random kind in that one class's birthday, or when the cafeteria makes that pie I like, or when my housemate wants to go to Chipotle, or when I feel like baking, or any Friday, Saturday, Tuesday or Thursday, which are all obligatory party days at my school. And every time I try on a dress and realize it's a little tighter, or feel a little too constrained in my pants, or see a picture of myself? You know the ones--the ones that make you say, I look like THAT? I look in the mirror and pat my fat tummy and say: time to go on a diet.
And I do. For a day. Maybe a week. Maybe I'm a little more obsessive about going to the gym; maybe I eat a spinach salad for lunch and feel really good about myself, good enough to...forget about how bad I felt earlier that day, looking in the mirror. And I'm done. I'm done with it: the crash diets, the up and downs, surfing the internet for tips that are things that I already know--I'm done with all of it. It doesn't make me feel good about myself--it makes me feel worse.
I want to feel good about myself again. I want to look cuter, for me. So I'm starting a year long project dedicated to self-happiness including: eating healthy and exercising more! Wearing cute clothes that are affordable and spending my weekends with people I love. Everything in moderation.
Don't get me wrong: I don't buy into this crap about girls needing to me rail-thin to be pretty. I'm curvy and proud of it. But the freshman 40 lbs hit me pretty hard when I started college in August of 2008, standing 5'2 and weighing 140 lbs. I'm about 175 now, despite the hours I log in the gym and the many diets I have vowed to start. I work out regularly and try to eat healthy, and until recently I have been pretty indignant that the weight keeps on coming. I'm twenty! I should be cute no matter what! I should be able to look good in a bikini!
But here's the thing: I don't work out regularly. Not the way I should, anyway. And while my diet is okay Monday-Thursday, things dissolve pretty quickly once I reach Thanksgiving. Or Christmas. Or New Years. Or finals, or mid-sems, or Valentine's Day, or Halloween, or any random kind in that one class's birthday, or when the cafeteria makes that pie I like, or when my housemate wants to go to Chipotle, or when I feel like baking, or any Friday, Saturday, Tuesday or Thursday, which are all obligatory party days at my school. And every time I try on a dress and realize it's a little tighter, or feel a little too constrained in my pants, or see a picture of myself? You know the ones--the ones that make you say, I look like THAT? I look in the mirror and pat my fat tummy and say: time to go on a diet.
And I do. For a day. Maybe a week. Maybe I'm a little more obsessive about going to the gym; maybe I eat a spinach salad for lunch and feel really good about myself, good enough to...forget about how bad I felt earlier that day, looking in the mirror. And I'm done. I'm done with it: the crash diets, the up and downs, surfing the internet for tips that are things that I already know--I'm done with all of it. It doesn't make me feel good about myself--it makes me feel worse.
I want to feel good about myself again. I want to look cuter, for me. So I'm starting a year long project dedicated to self-happiness including: eating healthy and exercising more! Wearing cute clothes that are affordable and spending my weekends with people I love. Everything in moderation.
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